4.28.2005

Sarlaac etc

It's been awhile since many of you last saw me, and no doubt many of you assumed I was dead. Some know better of course.

In fact lets get that out of the way right now shall we? I was not killed on Tatoonine while chasing after Solo and his pathetic friends. Let's just say the Sarlaac found me somewhat indigestable, and to go a bit further lets just say the Sarlaac won't be digesting much of anything for the rest. of. it's. life. I hated that thing, but you haven't experienced disgust until you've fallen in to the Sarlaac on a hot afternoon. The stench in there is unbelievable.

To make a long story short, due to an equipment malfunction brought about by that miserable bastard Han Solo, I ended up inside this Sarlaac thing enjoying it's unpleasant odor and foul stench first hand. It seems that it expected me to just lay there and become an appetizer as all of the other hopeless beings who fell victim to it did... but seriously, the Sarlaac didn't have a chance. Once down there I found it to be shaped like a giant funnel... made out of meat if you take my meaning. Bodies and assorted moaning idiots were slowly being sucked down into a mouth like hole in the center where they'd presumably be pulled farther inside the beast for digestion. It took me no time to realize that if the bottom of this meat-funnel like thing is where the food goes, then there are probably some vital organs down there as well. Now I'm not going ot get into specifics here as frankly, I'd just rather forget about all the details... but I was able to insert myself in this creature's... orifice... in such a way as to allow me to get off a few well placed blaster shots into it's disgusting innards. Once that was done I was left with a relatively easy climb out and that was that. Oh, I did kill a few of the guards and whatnot that had fallen in before I left. Perhaps I was doing them a favor, but more likely I just had the urge to kill someone.

At any rate, I got out and just laid in the sand for awhile. Jabba's barge had long since been destroyed with Solo and his gang doing their typical "run and hide while we can" bit. I really hate those people. After awhile fellow bounty hunter Dengar happened across me and got me back to my ship. I was good to go again in a few days, though my armor stunk like Sarlaac for weeks afterwards. I'm going to take the cleaning bill for that out of Solo's ass one day, mark my words.

I've been rather busy since then, mostly looking for Solo but taking on a fair number of interesting side projects as well. My contract with the Empire more or less ended when it did, but as it happens there are still some things cooking on that front too. Evil is like that, there's always opportunity.

More later, I've got some Hunting to do.

3 Comments:

Blogger Corin Horn said...

Dear Boba,

Although I of course did not fully believe the details of your death, I must say I am still disappointed to heard of your escape. In my work with CorSec I have always enjoyed watching evil turn upon itself--in this case Jaba's actions killed him and most of his associates.

Now that you are free of bounds of employment I implore you to seek out... more honest work. The empire will soon be defeated and much work remains to be done in healing this great galaxy. I could easily speak to CorSec and other security agencies and have your record wiped clean... if only you would stop hunting down and killing people. Especially Solo.

Sincerely,

Corran Horn

06:28  
Anonymous Dengar said...

You owe me.... big time

16:47  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, I have to ask. Here you are, facing down a Jedi, and it's not like you don't know what a jedi with a light saber can do. Or did you forget that bit where you were holding your dad's head in your hands and crying like a little girl. So anyway, at your disposal you have a blaster, a missile launcher, poisoned darts, gas and god knows what else. but what do you use? A rope. Did you really think that was going to hold him? What were you thinking? Frankly I think you were lucky to be taken out by the blind guy with the stick. Luke would have cut you into tiny little pieces, which probably would have been a bit easier on the sarlacs tummy.

20:25  

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