5.02.2005

It's a Fact #1 : Han Solo's sexuality

A lot of you seem to have a lot of misconceptions about the world I live in. I think I'll try and clear some of that up now and then with a bite sized fact. Here's the first one;

At one point while seeking out Han Solo I was taking a break from the hunt in a local bar. Now a guy like me is pretty easily recognized and ocassionally I like to bust out of the Mandalorian armor and just hang out like a regular slob, like everyone else. So I'm sitting in the bar minding my own business and who walks in? Solo. Of course he doesn't recognize me without my gear on so I figure I'll have a bit of fun, and do a little research on my target at the same time.

I strike up a converstation with him and his furry pal over drinks and before we knew it we'd been chatting for hours. His giant walking carpet friend got a sour stomach and had to leave fairly early on so that left me and the increasingly drunken Solo, being all chummy. Now, I'm not going to get into any sordid details but lets just sum things up by saying that not only is Han Solo bi-sexual, he's a *practicing* bisexual.

Never having been hit on by a contract before I was a bit surprised (possibly slightly flattered) and figured I'd best get out of there before he started hitting on me (more). I quickly departed, donned my armor and returned rather dramatically to take him out - but according to the bartender he'd already left with a Twilek fellow shortly before. Bad luck yes, but I learned something about the man anyway. Possibly a little too much.

So...

Han Solo is (at least) bi-sexual.

It's a fact.

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh God. What about in the Tauntaun? DIE HE TOUCH LUKE IN THE TAUNTAUN?

Seriously Fett, thanks a whole bunch for all those mental images. At least you didn't say he was blowing Chewie.

OH GOD!

11:42  
Blogger Boba Fett said...

What the two of them do in their free time in deep space is their business. I try not to think about it.

- Fett

12:15  
Anonymous T. Karde said...

My God man! I've heard rumors that you were really the worst bounty hunter ever, but I never expected to find evidence of it on your own blog!

you had Solo right there! He was drunk! He wanted to go back to your room! and what do you do? you leave? what the hell is wrong with you man! What more do you need? if he had a little bow on his head would that make you happier? or do you only get off when you're wearing your special bounty hunter hip huggers?

you can't even take out Solo when he's drunk and helpless, and here you brag about the fact that the one quarry that has bested you time and time again is also light in the loafers?

Who's the biggest fairy? the fairy , or the fairy who can't seem to kill him?

You are pathetic! I am taking my business to 4-lom and I will be advising all my associates to do the same.

Loser.

20:44  
Blogger Boba Fett said...

I admit, I might have become a bit lax due to the excessive drink, but I was clear headed enough to realize that sticking Solo with a butter knife there in the bar would be no fun.

In order to fully appreciate my line of work, you've got to live it. By living it, you've got to hunt... and having a flair for the dramatic doesn't hurt either. I mean really, imagine if my life were made into entertainment of some sort. It would be rather boring if I just popped people left and right with no drama now wouldn't it? I bring the drama.

It's a shame you've decided to go to 4-Lom, but you can expect a visit from me in person in the near future. I assure you.

23:34  
Anonymous t. karde said...

While I appreciate your desire for flair, I am disappointed by your lack of imagination. It would have been much better to lure him back to your room and kill him there, leaving him in a rather embarassing and compromising position. Achieving both the fullfillment of your contract, and the utter destruction of the legend of Han Solo at the same time. I sense some reluctance on your part to finish what you started. I see in you some kind of respect, even a bond between you and Solo, perhaps this all didn't really happen. Maybe it's just some fantasy that you dreamt up on some long lonely flight thru hyperspace. I doubt you'll ever catch up to Solo, he's too lucky, and far too well connected these days, at least from what I hear. I see him living a long life, hooking up with that princess chick and raising a handful of little pirates. Hell, I wouldn't even be suprised to find out that some day in the far off future, that you and he end up working together, fighting side by side against a common foe, even if it's just for a little bit.

It's clear you've lost your touch. Solo has gotten into your head and under your skin. You're welcome to come by, I'm in the book. But you'll have to get thru my new associate to get to me, she's a firey red head who recently had to change employers, and she has Mad issues to work thru and could use a good work out. Though if you do come, you better come at her with something a little bit stronger than a rope.

- Talon.


P.S. Thanks for leaving Jabba to his fate. Business is booming now that he's gone.

00:57  
Blogger Darth Sidious said...

You know you want Solo...
You just konw it bobba.

There was a reason why your father was slain by that purple lightsaber..

Deep down inside you know, you know that you are homosexual...

Don't deny it..

The force has spoken to me..

09:52  
Blogger KH said...

Sad, sad, sad!
You had him in your sights and failed.

Han isn't Bi, he did that to put you off and it worked. He is the master of the double bluff. The Lord of Sabacc

10:07  
Blogger Boba Fett said...

Double bluff my ass, you didn't see what I saw on Aduba-3 awhile back. I'm a strong person, but that one still makes me a bit ill.

11:58  
Anonymous t.Karde said...

did you ever wonder why Jango had to have a clone of himself made? Surely a bounty hunter as famous as Jango would have chics falling all over him. Was it because his little guys had trouble swimming up stream? Perhaps his little soilder didn't stand at attention too well. Or maybe, just maybe, he wasn't into the members of his species that can bear children. Just a hunch.

I wonder if that kind of thing really is genetic?

hmmmmm

14:03  
Anonymous vork the terrible said...

Homosexuality can be used to enhance a fearful reputation, if you're into that kind of thing.

One of the best space pirates of old was Thtan the Thuper, who was more than just a little queer. But I tell ya, merchants dumped their cargoes upon sight of his ship, and ran the other way. After a while, his reputation was enough that he sold his blasters and ions, and proudly boasted to a random patron in a seedy pirate port that he didn't need to be "thuch a brute" anymore, since people dumped cargo on sight.

That also proved his undoing, of course. Since said patron managed to disable his cruiser with nothing more than a beat-up late-model Y-wing and a U-Haul cargo shuttle full of bloodthirsty space pirates hired on lies and promises. (Sadly, I had to spend most of the treasure buying new blasters for the cruiser. And getting rid of that damned pink paintjob. And paying the surviving bloodthirsty space pirates for the boarding operation. But it was worth it!)

Anyhow. The things he did to captives make my "one survivor policy" look like a walk in the park. Once word started getting out, that was it. No more opposition of any sort.

Something to think about, if you swing that way. But something tells me that this is just a bunch of vicious lies and slander from your detractors. Everyone gets critics from time to time, and my advice is just to kill them. Painfully. In ways that make horrifying examples of them.

18:28  
Anonymous Kosh N. said...

Wonder who be "wife" there? Nookie with a wookie? Nevermind; enquireing minds don't want to know.

Amb. K. Naranek

02:04  
Blogger Han Solo said...

I knew it was you, Fett. Remind me to tell you my side of the story, if you ever stop trying to kill me long enough for me to get a word in edge-wise.

11:52  
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12:24  
Anonymous androstenone said...

good post

20:58  

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