So you want to be a Bounty Hunter

I've been getting a lot of email lately concerning, what else, my line of work and specifically just how one goes about getting into it. "Dear Boba, how can I be a Bounty Hunter just like you?". Two things. One, it's Mr. Fett... or just Fett if you think you can get away with it. Two, you will never ever be a Bounty Hunter just like me. I'm awesome, and chances are you aren't. Do the math.

So while I can't tell you how to be a Bounty Hunter just like me, I can give you a few tips on what to expect if you chose this trade, and perhaps how to get yourself started. I could go on and on here, so I'll do this in pieces. To begin;

What can I expect when starting out as a new bounty hunter?
Expect slow start up, and long term instability. When you first start out in "the biz" you are a nobody, and you remain so for a long long time. No one will want to hire you to kill their husbands or business partners because you're a normal schmuck just like they are so why bother? It's a long road of taking little jobs before you get to the big time contracts. By little jobs I mean little. A fellow I know started off putting down peoples pets, always making sure to explain to them that if they ever needed anything else killed, he was their man. He did this for years in fact and never did break into the bounty hunter business. He currently runs a pet shop/neuterng facility on Corellia and is presumably very happy. Who cares.

How do I sell my services to the public?
Marketing. You're not going to sell any product or service unless you get the word out there now are you? How can people give you money for X, Y or Z if they don't know or care that you exist. You've got to let them know you are there, and you've got to let them know they need you. You can't exactly put posters up at the mall saying, "Contract Killer for hire", so what can you do? Two main things with the most important being word of mouth. Nothing says you know how to be an effective killer like an unsolicited testimonial. You might get this rolling by taking your first job for free, just to get your foot in the door. Once the job has been successfully completed, be sure and tell the contract to spread your name around the local bars and such, and have him provide some simple means of reaching you. Of course you've got to be careful about this, as you don't want the authorities getting wind of you too soon either. Once you get to my level the authorities are virtually helpless to do anything to you, since more often than not you're work for the authorities in the first place. Be careful starting out though.

How do I learn how to actually do the killing?
Practice makes perfect in everything, especially killing things. I'd suggest starting out with animals or annoying homeless people on your home planet and branching out from there. Perhaps later moving on to sentient beings of the sort that you could easily take care of should things get out of hand. Addicts or politicians come to mind. Once you've got the basics of killing something down it's not hard to apply that knowledge to virtually any living thing you want to eliminate. Aside from real world practice, study is important as well, though it's very important to study the right killing discipline. Suppose you want to work primarily with blades for instance... go to the local butcher shop or slaughterhouse and watch how they hack meat up.

Do you offer training or classes in the art of bounty hunting?
Not exactly, but for my regular fee I'll come kill a friend or relative of your chosing and let you watch. For an additional fee I'll have a short question and answer period afterwards while you clean up the mess.

I'll write more on this subject later including such popular questions as;

How do I come up with a cool sounding name?
What sort of body armor do I want, if any?
What kind of weapons are best for bounty hunting?
How important is dramatic flair as far as becoming a successful Bounty Hunter?

Off to kill something, back sometime later.


Anonymous Austin said...

Personally, my favourite weapons are the Golan Arms flechette cannon, and various sniper rifles...
Nothing beats a head shot from 3,000 meters away.... (assuming they dont want the bounty alive, otherwise your in trouble)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boba, great topic. I just have one question:

When you're about to kill something, do you ever feel a twinge of guilt? If a person feels this, should they consider getting out of the business? How can you overcome such an emotion?

Anonymous Kohrak said...

Mr. Fett,

Suppose for some incredibly insane and non-logical reason, you were involved in a three legged race. And lets say that three legged race involved the cast of characters such as the likes of Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Darth Vader, and Chewbaka. Assuming you are not allowed to cheat and murder your opponents, and also assuming you follow that rule, which of those people would you choose as your three-legged race partner in order to win the race?

Anonymous vork the terrible said...

Startup costs and reputation building are a killer in any buisiness of this sort. I'm not sure how to do well for being a bounty hunter, but here's some piracy pointers.

My best advice for getting proper equipment early on is to kill someone else for it. You're going to be doing a lot of that as a pirate anyway, so there's no time to start like right now. If you can't do that, hire someone on lies and promises to kill someone else and bring you the equipment. Then, pay them with the proceeds or kill them while they're too busy carrying the gear.

Hey, it worked for me.

P.S. Make sure to replace any pink drapes in your quarters or conference room if you acquire a new ship through said methods. Crew members and potential employers are not impressed by such and start rumors that require their deaths, even if the drapes in questions were obviously inherited from the previous owner.

Anonymous Luna said...

Hey sexy Boba,

If I may be so bold and answer a question posed to you in the comments by kohrak:

The choice is obvious...they always let the Wookiee win.

Then in your celebration, blast the Rebel losers to smithereens.

Stay alive,

Blogger DEVILDOG said...

OK if you seriously are boba fett then come and kill me mother fucker im Steven O'Brien i live in Harrison Arkansas and am a Marine fuck i'll even pay u if u can fuckin hit me so bring that shit on bitch

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a great story. Waiting for more. »

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know how hard it is to try to be you, sorry about that by the way. I guess I learned my lesson. And if you have guilt about what you've just killed, YOU SHOULDNT BE IN THIS BUISNESS!

Anonymous Jodo Kast said...

Oops, sorry about that, that last anonymous post was from me. i forgot to put in my name.


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