5.11.2005

The three legged race

Here's a question I got in a comment recently;

Suppose for some incredibly insane and non-logical reason, you were involved in a three legged race. And lets say that three legged race involved the cast of characters such as the likes of Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Darth Vader, and Chewbaka. Assuming you are not allowed to cheat and murder your opponents, and also assuming you follow that rule, which of those people would you choose as your three-legged race partner in order to win the race?


For one thing, killing your opponents in any aspect of life isn't cheating. Often, it's just smartest move you can make, but I'll play along here. Who would I want as a partner in a three legged race? Lets break it down;

Han Solo - It has been suggested here and elsewhere that I have a grudging respect for Solo, so I'm sure many people might assume I'd chose him because of that. In all honesty, he'd be my last choice. Solo has been one of my longest standing contracts and being strapped to the man without being "allowed" to kill him, would simply eat me up inside. Knowing me I'd find some excuse to lose the race then blame him, thus giving me 100% justification to shoot him in the face. Not that I need justification mind you, but still.

Chewbacca - Definitely not, for two reasons. One is that he's so closely tied to Solo that I just couldn't take it. The other reason was mentioned in a prior post of mine. To put it bluntly, Wookies shit a lot and when they're not shitting they're stinking for related reasons, or new reasons altogether. Always with the stinking those guys. The stench alone would likely deprive me of oxygen such that I'd be unable to compete. No Wookie.

Luke Skywalker - Big Mr. Jedi. I can't stand that little puke. The look on his face alone makes me want to put a hole in him and no doubt he'd be doing force powers on this, or Jedi mind tricks on that... please... just tie the strap and run the damned race. Added to this is the fact that Jedi killed my father way back when and I've just got plenty of reasons to not want to be tied to one. A therapist once told me I should try and emote more, and work through my hatred of Jedi in order to become a more peaceful person. I shot him in the stomach and let him bleed to death in his own office. Stupid Jedi.

Darth Vader - Now Vader and me go back a bit and he'd be a great choice. Sure his left leg acts up on him now and again, and he's not as spry as he used to be but that black bastard can really get busy with things when he has too. That being said I don't think I'd pick him for a three legged race mainly because I don't think he'd make a good partner. Being a team player just isn't the Dark Lord's strong suit. Plus, he's rather pushy when it comes right down to it, and since I assume a part of this three legged race would be to have fun, I think Vader would dampen that whole thing for me. Being bossed around just makes me cranky. That and the fact that he'd no doubt be to occupied crushing peoples tracheas with his mind and all. He loves that stuff.

Princess Leia - This is the last one on the list, and she'd most definitely be my choice. I'm not sure how fast she can run, and I've got no idea how coordinated she is for this sort of race but let me tell you... of all the people in the list above that I'd like to strap on, I'd pick her. I remember seeing her on Jabba's Sail Barge awhile back and damned if she wasn't looking good. She was wearing this tiny little metal bikini sort of affair and I'll tell you, I wasn't the only one there with a steamed up visor. I think Jabba was even getting off on staring at her and as is widely know, he was homosexual.

So there you have it. Three legged race or not, I'll tie myself up with Leia anytime.

12 Comments:

Anonymous Kohrak said...

Wow! Thanks for answering my question like that! You are most assuredly THE best Bounty-Hunter in the galaxy.

Now, I don't want you to associate this comment with me, but I recently showed your blog to my younger brother. We got to talking about how you had accused Han Solo of homosexual acts and also Jabba. My brother said:

"You know, he seems to call a lot of people gay. Almost like he's hiding something."

I don't know what he's implying you're hiding, but I do think he just called you a gay. Those darn college kids!

Anyway, if you want to come out here and do something fun like making him eat a thermal detanator, feel free. Just don't mess up my Mom's house. Or me. Or the family pets. But to be honest, I probably couldn't even cover the gas money for you to get here. We're a-ways out.

How'd the Rankor hunting go?

05:53  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you understand that Hutts are Hermaphrodites right? they are born male, and at some point in their life they turn into females so they can reproduce.

they can't be homosexual.

you seem to project that trait onto a lot of people. Do you find that signifigant?

16:52  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you've got your storyline backwards, dude!

20:37  
Blogger Boba Fett said...

Lets just say I'm *quite* sure Jabba is indeed homosexual. No kidding, and I just don't want to talk about it.

- Fett

02:06  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

first hand experience huh?

14:42  
Blogger kira_hibiki said...

You never...actually... answered the question posed by Kohrak... do you have something to hide? In your... closet, perhaps?

I know that you just spent a paragraph telling us how delicious Leia looked in that bikini (damn right, too) but mightn't you be playing on both sides? You are a Bounty Hunter, after all...

21:27  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

though he didn't exactly say what he liked about leia, maybe he just liked the outfit and wondered where he could get one.

20:43  
Anonymous Vork the Terrible said...

You made the right choice, but remember that such a race would be a gathering of your enemies. Make sure to stuff an extra icepak in the codpiece of your armor, to protect against a dangerous hormonal condition we pirates know as "wrongheaded thinking."

It could prove to be a dangerous distraction during the race, allowing your adversaries to kill you, or immediately after when you take your revenge in the grandest fashion.

Still the right choice though. A friend of mine once told me this: The greatest thing in life is to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and do the humpty-dance with their women. Truer words were never spoken.

Hey, I'm a space pirate, what'd ya expect?

-Vork

04:55  
Blogger mario said...

Many people try to achieve goals. Most fail. Some strive, work hard and plan for all the details yet they achieve little or nothing at all. Others strive, work hard, plan and achieve huge success. Yet there are a few individuals who do little else than take small steps and seem to achieve a great deal with what seems like effortlessness. What is the difference between these people and which one would you like to be?
Most members of the human race fall into two categories - those who live in the past and those who live in the future. Most live in the past. Many of these are the people who achieve very little in their lives and are so fearful of the future that they dare not strike out to get anything. They are the under-achievers who hang onto bad episodes in their lives and either relive them time and again or look at new situations as similar potentialities. They say things like "all men are deceivers" or "all women are interested in is money" or "I can't do it. I tried before and it didn't work so why bother!". Due to bad experiences in the past they believe that all future events will turn out the same way if they dare to go after what they want.
The other type of person lives in the future. This type tends to create more of the things they want in life. They have a vision of where they want to go and exactly how they are going to get there. They work diligently at making concrete plans and they pursue those plans with a persistent ferocious appetite for success. These people are the high achievers - The Richard Branson and Bill Gates of the world. These people have much to teach us about setting and achieving goals.
However, there is a third type of person who almost goes unnoticed. They are the person who takes life in its stride and yet achieve most of what they want. I am sure you know of such a person in your life that just seems to saunter through life and yet they always come out on top. Or a person who you hear of that has decided to open a shop. You meet them a few months later and they have three shops all doing well! So what makes these people so successful and if they aren't living in the past and aren't living in the future where are they living?
I suppose you guessed it! Whether they are consciously aware of it or not they are living in the present. It is in the 'living' present that we have our greatest power. Everything happens in the present. You live your entire life there - even if your mind does not!

By becoming more aware of the present and by 'accepting' it as it is we are much more in control of our emotions and focus. When we live in the past we are fearful of making bad choices and/or getting hurt. We do not wish to recreate the past again! When we live in the future we can also be fearful of what might happen. But even if your future vision is full of power and worthy of working towards many people can, and often do, get stuck there. By constantly reaching for bigger and better goals they fail to enjoy what they have in the moment.
If you wish to start living a life that is almost effortless begin first by living in the present. Accept your situation the way it is and then you can enjoy what you have. Your focus changes from a memory of what was or a vision of what might be to a realization of what is. You become much more empowered to then see the beauty of life and also look at where you wish to make changes. But to make changes you must first accept the situation as it is. Trying to escape from your present only increases your focus on your problems by creating resistance to what is. Accept your life as it is now. Make no judgement, just accept it and then you will be free of doubt, worry, pain and fear. For you only experience these things when you live outside the 'moment'. personal development

05:35  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your subconscious mind is a powerful force. It can be an un-defeatable ally or a dangerous foe! It is a powerful force of nature that can be harnessed and made to work for us or it can be a wild beast that runs riot with our lives.
How powerful is 'powerful'?

Take the first Atomic Bomb - it could lay waste to an entire city in seconds. Or the gravitational pull of the Sun which stops our tiny planet from hurtling into space. Imagine the power of a black hole - that region of spacetime from which nothing can escape not even light travelling at 186 thousand miles a second. The Universe is full of powerful forces. Yet, all these wondrous things pale into insignificance when compared to the power of the subconscious mind.

The subconscious part of your mind is that part which regulates your heartbeat, lungs, digestive system and everything else in your body. It directs the inner workings of your body and such things as (what biologists call) 'machines' - tiny living cells that are composed of motors, drive-shafts and propellers - seriously!!! There is mounting evidence that the cells in our bodies have memory and that our very DNA is coded with memories of our ancestors. As well as having full control of all these functions and more your subconscious also retains all the thoughts, experiences and emotions you have ever felt. It regulates the most complicated mechanism in the unknown Universe - your body - and it can calculate the trajectory of multiple moving objects while supplying you with the words necessary to debate an issue while controlling a complex task of activities such as driving a car!
These tasks alone show how powerful the subconscious mind is. But it is much more powerful than that!

The truth is: No-one knows the limits of the subconscious mind's power!

Tell yourself that you will wake up at 6 a.m. and chances are you will awake. Go to a crowed party and through a mass of voices you will hear someone at the other side of the room mention your name! Set a problem aside and miraculously, out of nowhere, the answer comes while you are involved in another task. It recreates situations in your life that correspond to your beliefs. Time and time again you find yourself in the same situations, with similar partners, in almost identical jobs. Like a wheel your subconscious mind creates situations that bring your life back to the same spot.
Likewise it can totally transform your life - even overnight! It can bring you new situations, life experiences, luxuries and even people.

However, it is like a na�ve child or a better analogy is that of a computer. It believes everything that you tell it. Your conscious mind is the gatekeeper. Anything you think with complete faith is immediately past to the subconscious mind - which it then takes as literal fact. There will be no arguments because it has no discriminating capabilities.
Although your subconscious mind is more powerful than you can possibly imagine it is a mere servant. It is at your disposal. YOU are in charge. It acts just like a computer and like every computer it needs software to run. So if you do not program it then someone else will! You are constantly being bombarded with software programs for the mind every minute of everyday. Buy this product and you will look slim, drive this car and you will seem sexy, drink this potion and you will feel more vibrant about life. You are told what to buy and when to buy it, when you are too young to do a thing and when you are too old. You are told what is possible and what is not. Snap out of it!
Take back your control over mind and body. You were born with the most powerful computer system known to man - a bio-computer that regulates a sophisticated, highly flexible, changeable, self repairing vehicle. You are amazing, a true miracle. If you bought a new top of the range diesel Mercedes would you let Joe or Sue down the road fill it up with petrol?
Begin to think for yourself. Who told you that you could not achieve your dreams? Do you believe it? Who told you that you were too fat, too skinny, too stupid, too smart, too young or too old?

Does it matter?

No! Because you are and always have been in total control. Change your thinking and you will change your subconscious beliefs. Change your subconscious beliefs and you will change your life. self hypnosis

07:23  
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02:34  

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